The quality of bands on the Vans Warped Tour this year is offensive. There are some good bands, but there’s been fewer and fewer of them each Summer. This year, there aren’t really any punk bands. There’s The Aquabats, Reel Big Fish, The Black Dahlia Murder, The Ataris, and Defeater. None of these bands are really punk in the basic NOFX/Bad Religion sense, but they’re at least talented musicians and highly esteemed in their respective genres.
Filling out the rest of this year’s Warped Tour lineup are crunk boy bands playing in dropped-q tuning and a bunch of just terrible bands from auto-tune empire Rise Records.
Like the Black Veil Brides, for example, a Road Warrior-themed band of Tommy Lee, Melissa Ethridge, Kevin Dillon, and Peter Criss drag queen lookalikes…o ya, and Deputy Admiral Space Bandit.
So, here’s a list of the best Warped Tour bashings by bands on the Warped Tour.
In 2008, the Oregon band slammed the tour in their band blog as being a bunch of “Christian jocks that play really heavy music for Jesus, or pop bands with the only thing separating them from boy bands like [the] Backstreet Boys are their de-tuned guitars hanging from their shoulders…”
The blog said of the environment after shows, “I look around, and quickly realize that the only difference between this and a huge frat party is that all these idiots play music. Bad music. Unf[***]inglistenable music.”
They had to sit through an entire tour’s worth of “unf—inglistenable” bands, choosing to finish the tour, unlike the band in this next entry — and the one after that.
Guttermouth had this to say about the bands on the Warped Tour.
“… ten or so of the bands didn’t care for us too much and some even threatened us with violence. “Ooooo” Now that is funny. But even more amusing is that not one of these so called punk or whatever you call them these days, style of bands had the balls to confront myself or any other members of our group. They ran to daddy and told some of the brass that Guttermouth is making fun of us while they play. Well they were right, I was, but only the fashion bands and groups who focused more on their make up and choo choo train hats than the music they play. Yes I am guilty of tearing bands I don’t care for a brand new squeaky clean a–hole, but at least I’ll tell them to their face. (Or at least while they are standing on the stage next to me ha, ha).”
They also pissed off a bunch of bands when they sold mock merchandise supporting Geroge W. Bush. PFR.
The Lawrence Arms
Actually, the Lawrence Arms didn’t really choose to drop off the tour, they were kicked off of it, and by “kicked off,” I mean that they were banned for life. They courageously pointed out everything that’s wrong with the tour during their sets in front of the tour organizers and promoters on their abbreviated Warped stint back in 2004. That’s like being elected president and making a speech on why you hate the government at your own inauguration.
Here’s an excerpt from an interview between Bobby Gorman from ThePunkSite.com and Brendan Kelly of the Lawrence Arms.
“Now people talk about the Warped Tour like it’s the greatest thing to ever happen to punk rock, it’s not the greatest thing to ever happen to punk rock – it’s single handedly dismantling the whole thing we’ve been f—ing building for all this time and nobody gives a f—. And bands, big bands that play the Warped Tour say things like “Oh, it’s great, you only have to play it for half an hour” and it’s like “F— you! This is your job, I don’t care how hard you don’t have to work in order to get paid; like you’re f—ing everybody!” And that’s why it’s the biggest tragedy. And that’s why it’s the worst thing to ever happen to punk rock, or DIY music in general.”
The Lawrence Arms
The Lawrence Arms get two entries on this list, because they went beyond just calling out the Warped Tour, writing a well-deserved nutshot of a song called “Warped Tour Extravaganza (major excellent).”
Gallows is probably the most volatile band to have ever played the Warped Tour. The band’s charismatically violent original singer, Frank Carter, is a beast. These videos are from the band’s second Warped Tour run back in 2009.
These videos are NSFW.
Here’s Frank in Boston.
Here’s Frank in New York.
Here’s Frank in Vancouver.
Punk isn’t dead. Warped Tour is dead. Well, at least its spirit is dead. You can still see it’s corpse stagger around the country every Summer.